


All That Lies Between Us

by trp17



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgard (Marvel), Astral Projection, Captain America: The First Avenger, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, F/M, Growing Up Together, Inspired By Sense8, Leads up to Thor (2011), Loki (Marvel)-centric, Magical Bond, Pre-Thor (2011)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-07-17 21:11:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16103882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trp17/pseuds/trp17
Summary: The young prince Loki of Asgard thinks himself mad the first time he hallucinates about a girl in the middle of the palace. Their meeting signals the beginning of their search for the truth behind their mysterious connection and the beginning of their search for each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've written fanfiction for a while but this is the first time I've ever published it. I'm pretty nervous about it so if you'd like to leave any comments that would be awesome.
> 
> If this does well, I'll continue it!

Loki had been a mere child the first time he had seen someone who didn't exist. He had been in the palace gardens, spying on some of his mother's handmaidens as they gossiped, when he saw someone slip around a hedge close by. He panicked, thinking he had been caught and that someone was rushing to tell his mother that he was planning yet another trick. In an effort to stop the sudden threat, he went after them. 

The young girl he found was strange somehow. He couldn't remember ever seeing anyone like her before. She was a scrawny thing but with round cheeks and wide green eyes. Her hair was a mess of curls around her face, red like the colour of copper. Oddly enough, she wore a white shift that looked suspiciously like nightclothes even though it was midday already. Even odder was that she was gaping at everything like a complete imbecile. 

Without thinking too hard about who she was or what she had been doing snooping around the palace gardens, Loki approached her. He couldn't risk getting in trouble for knowing too much about things he wasn't supposed to, not again. "Stop right there!" he called out, trying his best to sound commanding like his father. 

The girl flinched away from him, her eyes widening even more. She let out a squeak of surprise. "I'm sorry!" she said quickly. Her voice was light and girlish, though not as grating as most girls. He did not get along with girls very well, except for Sif, but she was barely a girl anyway. 

It was too suspicious of an answer. "So you are guilty," he said accusingly, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't know what she had done but he was sure that it was something bad. He was sure then that he had never seen her before, which meant that she shouldn't have been in the palace at all. 

She looked embarrassed, her whole face turning pink. "No! I didn't mean to do anything but I just ended up here and I don't know how!" The words tumbled from her mouth hastily.  

"Where did you come from?" asked Loki, trying to intimidate her. He had already forgotten that she had probably seen him eavesdropping on the handmaidens. "You should not be here. How did you get into the palace?" 

Her mouth dropped open again in shock. "This is a palace?" she asked, looking around in awe. 

She must have been stupid to not have known that she had walked through the palace to get to the gardens. She must have been a very special kind of stupid. She was so stupid that Loki could only stare at her in stunned silence, not knowing what else to do. 

"Loki?" called a voice behind him. He froze, just as he saw the girl in front of him freeze as she looked over his shoulder. He whipped around, trying his best to look innocent. His mother was behind him, making a strange face. 

"Mother!" he said, his voice coming out wrong. Damn that girl. She had ruined everything with her stupidity.  

His mother approached him. "Who are you talking to, Loki?" she asked. He realized that the strange expression on her face was suspicion. 

When he looked back to the girl, Loki felt his stomach drop. She was gone. He was so confused, unable to understand how she had slipped away so easily without him noticing. He looked back to his mother, unable to answer her question. 

She only smiled at him kindly. "Your new invisible friend?" she asked. 

Loki was offended. It had been years since he had stopped having imaginary friends. He wasn't a small child anymore. "I wasn't talking to anyone," he grumbled, furrowing his brow in a sour expression. Really, he was baffled by the entire situation. The way his mother had acted, it was if she had never seen the girl at all, which was impossible. 

"I see," said his mother. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, guiding him toward the doors to the inside. "It is time for your lessons now. Don't dawdle, my dear." 

He allowed her to lead him away from the gardens, but not without looking back at the place the girl had disappeared one last time. It made no sense at all. 

 

\--

 

The next time Loki saw the little girl from the gardens, he had almost forgotten about her. It had been several months already. But as soon as he caught sight of that wild red hair, it all came rushing back. She was wandering the palace halls, looking at the stone columns with wonder. Again, she wore her white nightclothes. Without a single moment of hesitation, Loki dashed toward her, snatching her wrist in his hand. 

He was relieved when his hand didn't pass right through her. He had heard too many tales of spirits and ghosts, and none of them ever ended well.  

Like their first meeting, the girl let out an odd squeaky noise when he touched her. When she saw him, however, she seemed relieved to see him. "Oh, it's you," she said, with a familiarity that irked him.  

"It's not  _you_ ," he corrected her, not bothering to sound nice. "My name is Loki, Prince of Asgard!" 

The news of his identity seemed to shock her. She quickly brought a hand to her mouth. "You're a prince?" she asked incredulously. The way she looked at him was almost like she was judging him, trying to decide if he was lying. 

"Of course, I am!" snapped Loki, growing ever more irritated with this stupid girl and her lack of common courtesy. Usually people treated him with more respect with the knowledge that he was part of the royal family. Apparently, not this girl. 

At last, she seemed to understand that he was upset with her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know," she mumbled, averting her eyes. The moment of humility lasted only a moment before she was looking at him with renewed vigor. "You said your kingdom is Asgard?" 

Loki narrowed his eyes. "Well, it's not really  _my_  kingdom yet, but one day it will be," he said. He didn't know why he bothered correcting her or why he was bothering to talk to her. "How could you not know the very kingdom you live in?" 

"I don't live in Asgard," the girl protested, frowning at him. "I live in Folkvangr!" 

Her answer surprised him. He had never heard of his Folkvangr before. "You're making that up!" he said, glaring at her again. She was trying to play a trick on him and he did not like it one bit. 

"I'm not!" she said, her eyes flashing with anger. 

Her denial only made Loki more frustrated. "Then explain why you are in Asgard and in the palace, no less!"  

In a moment, her face shifted from anger to panic. Loki reeled as her eyes began to water, tears threatening to spill over at any second. That was another reason he hated girls. They would always cry whenever he did anything remotely fun, like turn things into snakes or spiders. He wished he could retreat or even better, reverse time. 

"I don't know where I am or how I got here," cried the girl, wiping at her eyes. 

"Wait, don't cry!" he pleaded, putting a hand on her shoulder. He was terrible at comforting others, especially girls. He didn't really want to touch them, worried that they might cry even harder if he tried. The handmaidens had always warned him that girls were fragile. 

The girl lunged forward, pulling him into a hug. Loki felt his entire body stiffen at the sudden contact but he couldn't pull away from her. She had a very strong grip. For a few moments, he didn't know whether to push her or hug her back. 

"Loki!" 

Thor was calling him from down the hall.  

In an instant, her girl vanished into thin air. It was almost as if she had never existed in the first place, except for the tears on his shirt. They were real, as real as she had felt. Loki didn't understand it at all and it frightened him. Was she a spirit after all? 

Whatever she was, he hoped never to see her again.  

 

\-- 

 

Loki was tired after a long day of playing around with Thor and Sif. They had spent hours practicing with dulled weapons, pretending that they were warriors of Asgard. It had been fun but he was sure that he had been bruised all over his body. He was proud that he had been able to deal out a few bruises to Thor too; his brother was much better than him at fighting.  

Still, Thor couldn’t use magic like Loki could and that was a comfort. It would have been unfair. At least Loki was better than Sif at fighting though she was awfully good at it. She always talked about how she wanted to be a warrior, even if she was a girl. He was sure that she could do it. Perhaps she would even end up becoming a valkyrie.  

Exhausted, Loki climbed into bed gratefully. He groaned as he did, his limbs becoming like lead as soon as they hit the mattress. He didn’t know how long it took him to sleep but he assumed it had been record timing.  

When he awoke, Loki realized that he was dreaming. He must have been because he had never seen this place before. He stood in a wide empty corridor lined with dusty white columns. There were no walls between columns, letting the rain spray in, blocked only by the roof. Though he could feel the mist wetting his bare feet, it was surprisingly pleasant and he didn’t mind it.  

It was a very vivid dream; Loki could smell the wet greenery just outside the hall, could hear the patter of raindrops against stone and the thunder rumbling in the distance, and could feel the chill of the morning air as he breathed.  

Hesitantly, he walked down the hall. He exited the corridor through a large, wooden door. It opened into a huge hall that looked suspiciously like a throne room. At the far end of the room, atop a rounded staircase, was an elegant chair of twisted white wood. Runes were carved into every inch of it, though from a distance they looked like mere scratches. Curious about his new discovery, Loki continued forward toward the throne.  

He climbed the staircase, feeling more unsure with every step. This was by far the strangest dream he had ever had. It didn’t feel like a nightmare but he couldn’t be sure that things wouldn’t take a turn for the worst. He half expected a monster to appear the moment he touched the throne.  

But it didn’t. When Loki gingerly touched the gnarled wood, nothing happened. Growing more confident, his fingers traced the etched runes. He tried to decipher them but was unsuccessful. They were much too old and complicated for his knowledge, or perhaps his mind had simply created them and they meant nothing at all. 

A tiny gasp startled him out of his thoughts. He whipped around, ready to defend himself from whatever lurked behind him.  

He was surprised to see the little girl who didn’t exist standing at the bottom of the stone steps. Her green eyes were wide and her hair was a mess, as usual. This time, however, she was dressed in proper clothes, a simple white gown.  

“You!” shouted Loki, pointing an accusing finger at her. He realized that he did not know if she had a name.  

“Loki?” she asked, looking both confused and delighted simultaneously. “What are you doing here?” 

Loki cast another glance around the hall. He didn’t really know the answer to her question because he still didn’t know where he was dreaming of. So he shot it back at her. “What are  _you_  doing here?” 

The girl laughed at his question. “I live here,” she answered incredulously. “This is Folkvangr, didn’t you know?” 

The imaginary land of Folkvangr. “I have the weirdest dreams,” he groaned. Out of everything he could have imagined, his brain had decided to think of the little girl and her home.  

“Are you dreaming?” said the girl. She tilted her head, eyes shining with curiosity. “I go to Asgard when I dream and when I wake up, I’m back here in my bed.” 

Her explanation made no sense to him. “Who  _are_  you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. 

She smiled despite his glare. “My name is Sigyn,” she said. The ease with which she curtsied made him begin to think that she was no commoner. Another look at the cloth of her gown confirmed it.  

Sigyn. So the nonexistent girl had an actual name. Loki mulled it over for a while, trying to decide if he should keep playing along or try to wake himself up. “So what are you, Sigyn?” he asked, too intrigued by it all to give up so easily.  

“What do you mean ‘what are you’?” she retorted, offended by his words. “I’m not a ‘what’!” 

“Are you a ghost? A spirit?” he pressed, ignoring her indignation.  

“I’m a person!” she growled, climbing the steps angrily. “And  _you_  are touching my mother’s throne!” 

Loki jumped, pulling his hand away from the chair. He hadn’t even realized he was still touching it idly. He stared between Sigyn and the throne. “Your mother’s?” 

“Yes, my mother is the lady of Folkvangr,” she said proudly, lifting her chin. It wasn’t very impressive considering she was shorter and skinnier than him.  

“So you’re a lady?” he said, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. “You don’t  _look_  like a lady.” 

Sigyn scoffed and turned her head away from him, her messy hair whipping around. She was so childish, he thought. Still, he felt a little bad that he had offended her twice in a few minutes  _and_  in her own home.  

“Look, I don’t know why I decided to dream of this place but I want to go back now,” said Loki truthfully. He was tired of being there and tired of talking to Sigyn. She was so difficult.  

She turned back to him but seemed cautious, like she hadn’t forgiven him quite yet. “I don’t know how to wake up,” she told him, frowning at her own words.  

Loki felt a stab of annoyance but for the sake of peace, he ignored it. “I guess I’ll just have to wait then,” he said, plopping himself down to sit on the steps. 

Sigyn sat next to him, keeping some distance between them. It was probably a sign that she was still angry with him but it actually suited him much better. She didn’t even exist so it didn’t matter how she felt. At least, that’s what he told himself.  

Somehow, this place felt real. There was too much detail for him to imagine on his own. He glanced at Sigyn. He found it hard to believe that she  _wasn’t_ a real person, especially because she was so different than anyone he knew. Not only were her looks very distinct but her personality was so contrary and irritating that he couldn’t understand why he would ever imagine her on his own. He would have thought of a much more pleasant person. 

When she looked at him, their eyes met. It was strange how much depth and intelligence were reflected in her deep green eyes. It weakened his hope that she didn’t truly exist. 

Without thinking, Loki reached out and pulled on her hair, gently enough not to hurt her. It was softer than he had thought it would be. If it hadn’t been so untamed, it might have been pretty. He liked the colour, at least. Most girls in Asgard had golden hair like Sif, or if they were unlucky, they got stuck with plain brown. Sigyn’s red hair would have stuck out like a sore thumb in a crowd.  

“Is it normal to have red hair in Folkvangr?” he asked, releasing his hold on her. 

She shifted her gaze to the steps below them. “Not really,” she mumbled shyly. “One of my mother’s handmaidens has hair like mine but my mother’s hair is blonde. I have my father’s hair, she tells me.” 

Loki frowned. “Do you not know your father?” 

Sigyn shook her head. “No, he is not from here,” she said wistfully. “My mother said he came from a faraway land and that he left before I was born. Maybe he doesn’t even know I’m here.” 

Perhaps it was more common for children there to only have one parent. In Asgard, it would have been scandalous for a woman to have a child without being married. Still, Sigyn looked a little sad thinking about her father. He was uncomfortable, not knowing what to do or say to make her feel better.  

In the end, he didn’t have to say anything. The next moment, Loki awoke in his bed in Asgard. His eyes snapped open, looking hurriedly around for Sigyn. She was nowhere in sight. With a sigh, he relaxed again.  

He wondered if it was all a dream after all. Most people would have probably dismissed it as just that. But Loki had always been a curious boy and could not so easily forget about it. The sights and smells and feelings had been too real to be his imagination. If it were truly a dream, then how could he possibly remember every single detail? 

He lifted his hand, the one that had touched her copper hair. It was a mystery that he just had to solve, one way or another. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing my best to keep up with MCU canon but I'm pretty sure I'll be taking liberties with the whole magic thing.  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Loki spent the better part of the next few years searching for answers. He could have asked Heimdall, the gatekeeper of Asgard and watcher of realms, about Folkvangr but he didn’t want anyone to know what was happening to him. He still wasn’t entirely convinced that Sigyn wasn’t a figment of his overactive imagination. He hadn’t even told his mother, afraid that she would think he was still playing with imaginary friends. Thor and Sif would only tease him about it so he couldn’t tell them about it either. 

Instead, he had taken to the library. The majority of the information held there there was far too complicated for him to fully grasp but he insisted on trying nonetheless. While his sudden frequent visits had not gone unnoticed, his mother had attributed them to his curiosity about the topics discussed in their magic lessons, for which he was grateful.

Sigyn would visit him on occasion, dressed in her nightclothes. He understood now that it was because she was actually sleeping in Folkvangr. There seemed to be no reason for her visits, no underlying causes or particular times of day that she would appear. Sometimes she came every day for an entire week but sometimes she wouldn’t appear for an entire month.

He had made several theories about possible triggers for these events but none of them had seemed to hold up very well. The only thing he was certain of was that, if he were indeed not hallucinating, they were connected through some kind of magic, a kind that they were using unconsciously. 

He had quickly discovered that Sigyn had her own talent for magic as well. She took lessons with her mother who was a great sorceress like his own mother. Sometimes when she visited, they even played together with magic. It wasn’t too difficult to cast spells while visiting but they hadn’t done much more than conjure some sparks or turn a teacup into a toad. Sigyn had certainly not enjoyed that particular trick.

Most of the time, they just talked about whatever was going on at the time. She knew nothing about Asgard and Loki took it upon himself to explain whatever they came across, which meant he ended up talking nearly all the time. Once when they were in the throne room, for instance, he had given her a long-winded history lesson about his father and grandfather that lasted almost two hours. 

It was strange to meet someone who knew absolutely nothing about the Allfather, the man who protected all the Nine Realms. He had always thought of his father as the most important being in the universe and it was a little disconcerting to have that view challenged.

Sometimes, it was Loki who visited Sigyn. During those times, she would teach him about her own life, telling him all about Folkvangr. It was like no other place he had ever heard of. It was apparently a floating island, full of vast fields of grass and had few native inhabitants. Most of its people lived within the castle walls, many of them sorceresses under her mother’s tutelage. When Loki had asked her how they got food, her answer had been ‘magic’. Apparently, advanced magic was common there. 

If the people there cared at all for the world outside, they didn’t share it with Sigyn. Their lives seemed constrained only to Folkvangr. There was never a mention of Asgard or Odin or even Bifrost. He wondered how this world could have existed so separately from everything else, from any of the Nine Realms. It was a true mystery and at its heart was Sigyn’s mother, Freya. 

Loki had discovered very little about Lady Freya, seeing her only when she was together with Sigyn. She seemed powerful in the way that his own mother did, with some kind of secret hidden just behind her eyes. She was also gentle and patient and very beautiful.  Sigyn idolized her mother and Loki encouraged it. If she was going to be a  _real_  lady then he hoped she would follow her mother’s example. She wasn’t doing well in that area quite yet. 

As time passed, Loki found that he didn’t dislike Sigyn as much as he had originally thought. She frustrated him often and was too emotional for her own good, but she was always excited and ready to learn from him. He liked how enthusiastically she listened to him; Thor and Sif were never so willing to hear him drone on about magic or history or anything he had learned during his lessons with his mother. It was refreshing to have someone else to talk to. 

Or so he had thought. 

Loki had been practicing archery with Thor and Sif one day when Sigyn suddenly appeared before him. He had been doing fairly well, consistently hitting the target for the past half hour, but her arrival caused him to jump so badly that he missed completely. 

Thor laughed at his mistake. "What happened, Loki? Did you see one of your own illusions?"

"Oh shut up," he snapped, pretending he couldn't see Sigyn watching them with interest. In the years she had been visiting, she had never before appeared when others were around. He didn’t know how to react.

Sif laughed too. "You don't need to be so angry, Loki," she said, flashing him a toothy grin. "Thor doesn't mean it. He's just jealous that you're better at archery than he is."

"I am not!" shouted Thor, only pretending to be upset. "Watch me!"

Loki and Sif crossed their arms, watching as Thor took aim at the target. His face screwed up in concentration, his eyebrows furrowing deeply. Sigyn stood close by to the target, tilting her head curiously as she stared at Thor. The arrow whizzed through the air, missing the target and flying straight through her. 

She let out a startled cry but was completely unhurt. They had figured out some time ago that while they could touch each other, most things would pass straight through them. 

“And just where do you think you’re aiming?” she growled, her eyes narrowing dangerously at Thor. It was useless, of course, considering he could neither see nor hear her.

Loki and Sif laughed as Thor grinned sheepishly, mumbling a poor excuse about the wind. Loki watched Sigyn from the corner of his eye, not wanting anyone to notice him acting strangely. She approached them slowly, as if worried that something bad might happen if she got too close.

"Is this your brother?" she asked when she finally came to stand next to him. He couldn't really answer her, not in front of the others. He would have looked insane. 

Without waiting for a response, Sigyn began to examine Thor carefully, the same way she had looked at Loki when he had informed her that he was a prince. She squinted at his face as if she could zoom in on his features. "He looks a lot like I imagined,” she said before adding, “but he’s shorter than I thought he would be."

Loki didn't know whether to laugh or scowl. Sigyn was looking at Thor with great interest, like almost everyone else did. Even Sif, who was friends with both of them, seemed to admire his brother. He knew he couldn't really fault anyone for it. Thor was bright and energetic, always kind to others, and never pranked anyone unless Loki roped him into it. And despite not having yet reached adolescence, Thor was already growing strong and handsome. 

Still, he couldn’t help the stab of irritation he felt. Sigyn was the only friend he had that he didn't have to share with anyone, including his brother.

“Perhaps we should take a break,” said Sif, collecting the wayward arrows from the ground. She grinned at Thor. “Before you embarrass yourself anymore.”

Thor glared at her but relented at the prospect of lunch. He was more than eager to finally eat, which seemed to be his favourite pasttime after fighting. They found a suitable place in the grass next to the archery range, shaded from the midday sun by a swath of trees, and began to eat.

It was utterly surreal.

To Sif and Thor, it must have seemed like any other day, but Loki knew they had a guest with them. The entire time, Sigyn watched them and listened to their conversation without a single ounce of shame. It took all his willpower not to stare at her. It didn't help that she kept commenting on whatever they said even though she knew he couldn't respond.

"I wish I had a brother or sister," said Sigyn, interrupting Loki in mid-sentence.

He had been in the middle of telling them about the most interesting rumour he had  _accidentally_  overheard from a conversation between a few Einherjar earlier that morning. Apparently, one of the kitchen maids had been disappearing into the chambers of one of his father’s rich guests most every night. 

Thor and Sif looked at him curiously, not understanding why he had suddenly stopped talking just before the best parts. "What is it, Loki?" asked Thor, sounding concerned.

"It's nothing," said Loki, trying to reassure them that absolutely nothing was amiss. "I forgot what I was saying. I didn’t sleep much yesterday.”

“Sorry,” said Sigyn, though she didn’t seem sorry at all.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” asked Sif, taking a bite from a roll they had lifted from the kitchens.

“Nightmares?” teased Thor.

 “Oh please, I don’t have nightmares,” said Loki, rolling his eyes as if the very idea were ludicrous. “I was reading and I lost track of the time.”

“You know, if you spent less time reading and more time training then maybe one day you could finally win a wrestling match,” said Thor, giving him a playful shove to the shoulder.

Sigyn giggled at the provocation, which angered Loki more than it should have. He was used to Thor taunting him but he didn’t like being laughed at, especially by a girl. He didn’t want her thinking Thor was being serious. “I beat you just last week!” he growled.

“That was a fluke,” countered Thor, though he stuttered a bit as he said it. It wasn’t nearly as believable then. 

 “That’s what you say every time,” said Loki, unable to control his smug smile. 

Sif tore a chunk from her roll and tossed it at Thor. It missed by an inch. “Sore loser,” she teased. 

Thor countered with a small wedge of cheese. “Oh shut up!”

Sigyn stared at them longingly. Loki wasn’t sure what was so desirable about having food hurled at your face. After a few moments, she turned to him excitedly. “Let’s tell them.”

He looked at her like she had three heads, which made Thor and Sif look at  _him_  like he had three heads.

“Loki, are you alright?” asked Sif again. This time, she seemed seriously worried for him. 

“I’m fine,” he managed to spit out. He tore his eyes away from Sigyn to stare down at his half-eaten lunch. “I must be far more tired than I thought. I just imagined I heard something  _completely_   _insane_.”

“It’s not insane,” said Sigyn, putting her face uncomfortably close to his. She did that whenever they argued so that he could never ignore her. It didn’t stop him from trying though. “They’d believe us, wouldn’t they?”

Loki shoved more food into his mouth to avoid answering her. Ignore her, he told himself. It was difficult to do when she tugged on his arm, pleading with him to listen.

She wasn’t completely wrong to think that Thor and Sif would believe him. In all likelihood, it wouldn’t take all too much convincing. But Loki wasn’t entirely sure he wanted them to know that he was hallucinating about a little girl half the time. He could only imagine the relentless teasing he would have to endure if they ever found out. Moreover, he didn’t really want to integrate her into every part of his life. It would only cause trouble. He had thought she knew that already. 

“Maybe you should visit the healing room,” suggested Sif, still staring at him. “Eir could probably do something if you can’t sleep on your own.”

Loki didn’t like how that sounded. “I’ll be fine,” he grumbled, shooting a dirty look at Sigyn. If she shuts up, that is. 

She didn’t. 

Puffing up her cheeks, Sigyn stuck her face right into Thor’s. “Hello!” she shouted. “Why can’t you hear me?!”

Loki could only gape at her speechlessly for a moment before his mind caught up. 

He leapt to his feet in an instant, startling Sif so badly that she almost dropped the rest of her bread. “Actually, maybe you’re right,” he said hurriedly. “I should probably see Eir right away!”

He didn’t bother to wait for a response as he turned and fled. Sigyn darted after him, barely able to keep up with his pace. 

“Loki! Loki, wait!”

He rounded on her the moment they were inside. “You idiot!” he shouted, pointing his finger at her accusingly. “Why can’t you just keep your mouth shut?”

Her mouth opened and closed as she floundered for words. He might have found it funny if he wasn’t so irritated.

“I’ve told you a hundred times, no!” he continued, his voice rising with every word. “No, we can’t tell anyone about it!”

Sigyn finally found herself. She glared at him, putting her hands on her hips. “But why not?”

“Well, for one, because it’s generally considered a bad thing to see things that aren’t there,” he said, irritated that he had to state such an obvious fact. “And two, because I said so.”

“And who made you boss?” she argued. 

“I did,” replied Loki hotly, “seeing as I’m the only one with common sense.”

“No, you’re the one with the big head,” she sneered.

“At least I have a brain in mine,” he retorted without thinking. He knew it wouldn’t help to insult her but he was far too angry to help himself. 

Sigyn’s face turned so red he thought she might explode. “You—!” she growled through clenched teeth. “Oh, you—!”

Loki glared right back at her, daring her to finish her sentence.

“I’m not talking to you anymore!” she huffed. 

He could have laughed. “Finally!”

“I’m never talking to you again!” she shrieked, outraged that he wasn’t cowed by her threat. 

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Just like that, their argument was finished. 

Without another word, she turned on her heel and stormed down the corridor. He had no idea where she was going and he didn’t really care. He was just glad to be finally rid of her and her obnoxious jabbering.

Finally, he was alone. 

 

\--

 

Two weeks had passed since the day Sigyn had visited him in front of Thor and Sif. Loki was getting much better at ignoring her presence in front of others, especially because she still refused to speak to him. He was surprised, but pleased, that her resolve had held. It was much more peaceful that way and much easier to talk to others without getting distracted. 

Sigyn could never understand how difficult it was for him. Folkvangr seemed so empty whenever he visited that Loki barely ever saw anyone. A few times, he had seen some handmaidens chatting with Sigyn, but he had never seen any children there. It seemed like she spent most of her days alone, reading books or playing with magic. 

Without anyone around, she never had to worry about how she looked or whether she was acting strangely. She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. 

It was so different from his own life, which always seemed to be noisy and full of people.  He supposed that’s why she kept insisting on telling his brother about what was happening, so that she could feel a little less alone.  Although he felt a little badly for her, he couldn’t bring himself to give in to her demands. Unlike her, he  _did_  have to worry about what everyone else thought of him. 

Because Loki had come to expect privacy in Folkvangr, it came as a surprise when he found himself in a room with Sigyn and her mother, Lady Freya. Her mother was normally very busy, so he knew that he had chanced upon a rare moment. 

Lady Freya was as beautiful as Sigyn was awkward. Her sleek blonde hair was done up in an intricate knot on her head, a sharp contrast to her daughter's unruly curls. She was tall and fair with handsome features that Loki had only ever seen in paintings. The only resemblance between her and Sigyn were their eyes, both the same shade of deep green.

They sat together on some carved wooden chairs. Everything in Folkvangr seemed to be made from stone or wood, and though they were simple designs, they were all expertly wrought. It was a different kind of elegance than Asgard, which was ostentatiously golden. He preferred Asgard; it seemed warmer and more comfortable to him. Folkvangr always seemed solemn. 

Loki approached them, not worried that her mother may see him. He knew she would not. Sigyn shot him a furtive glance but otherwise didn’t react to his presence. That was usual nowadays. "Actually, there was something I was wondering," she said once he was closer.

"Oh? Why am I not surprised?" replied her mother, seemingly amused. Loki could understand the feeling, knowing how many questions Sigyn always seemed to have. He had eventually decided it was a good thing because it meant she was always learning, but sometimes her curiosity was overwhelming.

At least she had the good grace to look bashful. "Well, I was wondering if people could use magic in their sleep," she said carefully. She had tried to make it sound like an idle curiosity but she was not a very good liar.

Her mother seemed to agree with him, arching an eyebrow. "Why do you ask, darling?"

"I was just wondering," said Sigyn, averting her eyes.

"Could you be any more obvious?" said Loki, putting a hand to his forehead. "You are terrible at this!"

Her eyebrow twitched as she smothered a retort. She must have remembered she wasn’t talking to him. 

Lady Freya only smiled wider. "Well, I cannot tell you much about it as it is beyond my abilities," she said, "but there are some magicians with the power to cast magic while asleep or unconscious. Astral projection is one of the better examples of this."

"Astral projection?" asked Sigyn, tilting her head as she always did whenever she was thinking.

Loki had heard of this but knew very little about it. It was a fairly common ability, as far as he knew, but his own mother never really discussed it with him. He listened eagerly, not bothering to hide how desperate he was for information. Perhaps if they knew what was happening, they could find a way to put a stop to it. 

"In simple terms, astral projection is when the spirit or essence of a person leaves their body," explained Sigyn's mother. If she had any inkling of why Sigyn was asking about it, she didn't show it. "Most magicians can achieve this to some extent through concentration and meditation, but to dream… It is a very rare thing, but it is possible. Many magicians have tried to achieve dreamwalking but the soul is a complicated thing. I would not recommend trying to force it from your body unwillingly."

“I don’t understand, mother,” said Sigyn, frowning unhappily. “How is dreamwalking any different than normal astral projection?”

Freya shifted in her seat, leaning on one of the armrests. “Well, besides the actual technique involved, dreamwalkers are said to be able to travel,” she said. “Astral projection generally allows you to move a short distance from the body, depending on your individual abilities. Travelling too far leaves your body vulnerable, however.”

“Vulnerable?” asked Sigyn, tilting her head again. 

“Imagine if you were able to separate your spirit and your body,” said Freya. “You would see everything you can now but you would also see your own body. But if you are outside of your body then what is left  _inside_  of it?”

“Nothing,” said Loki. He leaned forward, listening as closely as he could.

Sigyn repeated his answer though with less certainty. “Nothing?”

“Exactly,” said Freya with a pleased smile. “It would be little more than a shell. Of course, you could always climb back in but if you went too far and something were to happen before you could get back in…”

Sigyn’s eyebrows drew together anxiously. “Then how is dreamwalking different?”

“While I cannot say for certain, as I have never met anyone with that particular ability, I would imagine that instead of your entire spirit leaving the body, it would split,” said Freya.

“So part of you stays in your body,” said Loki. 

Sigyn repeated his words, adding, “which means your body wouldn’t be left completely alone!”

“That’s right,” said Freya. “If that were the case, there wouldn’t be a need to climb back into your body. If something were to happen to it, I imagine you would simply wake up.”

“Wow,” said Sigyn, her mouth hanging open comically. "And some people can actually do this?" Her eyes were hungry for more. They both hung on every word, their minds working as fast as they could to process everything they were hearing. 

"So it is said," said her mother. "I have never met anyone who had the ability though, so I am afraid I know little more about it.”

Sigyn did her best to hide her disappointment. They had learned a little but not nearly enough. They still couldn’t explain how they managed it or why they seemed to be connected to each other.

"Thank you," she said after she had recovered. "I had a dream about magic last night and I wondered if I could actually use it in my sleep."

Loki thought it was a good enough excuse, as simple as it was. It wasn't a complete lie either, as she had actually been visiting him.

"I'm glad I could help," said her mother gently. "Now, run along. Your lessons are finished for today. Don't get into too much trouble. Poor Sigurd was almost in tears after your last little game."

Sigyn smiled shyly, averting her eyes. “It wasn’t like there were real snakes,” she mumbled. 

Loki smiled, remembering the sight of one of Lady Freya’s apprentices screaming bloody murder as she dashed down the corridor. That had been one of his better pranks though Sigyn had been the one to put it into action. The thought of it almost made him miss her company.

“Just be careful,” said Lady Freya as Sigyn slid out of her seat. 

"I will,” she promised as she rushed out of the room. It was difficult for Loki to keep up with her. When they got far enough away from the room, she whirled around and pulled him into a crushing hug.

Loki made a noise of displeasure, pushing her away from him. "Hey! Don't do that!" he scolded her, more out of embarrassment than anything else. He wasn't used to being hugged by anyone other than his mother. 

"Sorry," giggled Sigyn, not looking sorry at all. She was positively beaming. "I’m just so excited! We finally found out something about this magic  _and_  it's really rare! Isn't that amazing?"

He couldn't deny that it made him feel a little special to have such an extraordinary ability. "Yeah, I suppose it's a good thing," he said, trying to play it cool. He didn’t want to look silly by acting like her. “At least it means that you probably  _do_ exist.”

“Of course I exist!” she said, wrinkling her nose. “I’ve told you a hundred times!”

“That’s exactly what a delusion would say,” he said with a playful grin. “So are you talking to me again?"

Sigyn snapped her mouth shut immediately, the atmosphere suddenly turning awkward and heavy. She obviously hadn’t meant to forgive him yet. 

Loki regretted reminding her. “You know,” he said carefully, “now that we know about dreamwalking, I could always ask my mother about it.”

He tried to give her a meaningful look, a silent invitation for a truce. For an uncomfortably long thirty seconds, she only stared at him cautiously and he began to worry she wouldn’t accept it. He thought perhaps she wanted him to apologize or maybe she even wanted him to grovel.

But then she smiled. 

"Of course!" she chirped. "Now that we know it’s like astral projection, you can just ask about that first then work the whole dreaming thing in later."

"That's a good idea," said Loki enthusiastically. Seeing her smile like a fool again filled him with a sense of relief that renewed his interest in their mysterious connection. Things were finally back to normal. "Maybe I could find more about it at the library too."

“We’re close. I can feel it,” said Sigyn, putting an encouraging hand on his shoulder.

Loki hoped she was right.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is much later than I'd planned but I had a bit of trouble writing this one. It's actually a bit of a last minute addition to the story but hopefully, it will help it along!

Sigyn had been very wrong. 

The years after beginning their search for knowledge about dreamwalking had been difficult for them. Loki had tried to ask his mother about it but unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to tell him anything more than what they had already learned from Lady Freya. She had gone into a little more detail about astral projection itself and had even given a demonstration, but it hadn’t been as informative as they had hoped. Their only option had been to return to books.   

Hundreds of hours spent scouring the libraries in both Asgard and Folkvangr had deepened their friendship but too much time together had frayed their nerves. No matter how much they read, they never seemed to get any closer to figuring out what was happening between them. The lack of progress was extremely frustrating. 

The awkwardness and angst of adolescence certainly hadn’t helped their tempers either. Loki was frequently moody and often picked fights with Sigyn without meaning to. They usually forgot about it after a few hours but he knew her patience with him was growing thin.  

Not that she was any better most of the time. 

Sigyn was more of a harpy than ever, in his opinion. One moment, she would be happily chatting away then the next she would be snapping at him for something he did or didn’t do. He couldn’t understand her at all. At first, he thought it might have been a girl thing but Sif wasn’t nearly so temperamental.  

They trained together often and  _she_  never got angry with him the way that Sigyn did. And if Sif ever did get angry, she would resolve the matter with her fists. It was much easier to defend himself that way. 

When he wasn’t arguing with Sigyn or training with Sif, Loki found himself forced into lessons with tutors alongside Thor. Sometimes, it was their mother pressing their noses into books but other times, the task fell to some poor soul unlucky enough to possess the brains for it.  

It wasn’t as if Loki hated studying. Sometimes he actually found the lessons quite engaging. But more than anything, he hated being told what to do and when to do it by complete strangers. 

To combat the insolence of his tutors, Loki frequently caused trouble for them in any way he could. Usually, it involved magic but sometimes all he needed was a well-timed lie. His tricks were the reason they had already gone through four tutors in the past year, something he considered a rather impressive achievement. 

Thor was no innocent either. He was usually more than happy to assist, if only to get out of another boring lecture. He preferred to spend his time playing around with friends or training in the grounds. 

That was how their teacher ended up in an old wardrobe, bound and gagged with bedsheets. He let out a muffled scream as the heavy wooden door swung shut, no doubt shouting obscenities at them.  

Loki had lured the man with an illusion of a pretty young woman and Thor had incapacitated him. There would be no permanent damage, of course, but it was enough to subdue him for a few minutes.

Loki grinned at his brother. “Well done,” he said, dusting off his clothes. He had hidden himself under the table during the attack. 

“You too, brother,” said Thor, with a grin of his own. “Your illusions are getting better. I could have sworn that woman was real.” 

Loki swelled with pride at the compliment. He had modelled the illusion after one of Lady Freya’s handmaidens. “I’m just glad he was dumb enough to fall for it,” he said, not wanting to seem overly pleased with the praise. “As if a woman like that would ever bother with a seedy old man.” 

“Are you sure he’ll be alright in there?” asked Thor, eyeing the wardrobe uncertainly. 

“Of course,” replied Loki dismissively, tapping the door. The wardrobe may not have been particularly spacious but he was certain the man wouldn’t be in there long. “Someone will come along shortly and release him. I’d say we have a couple hours until then.” 

Inside, the tutor began another round of unintelligible curses.  

“Mother is going to kill us,” said Thor, sighing heavily. 

Loki shrugged his shoulders. “We’ve done worse,” he reminded him. Once, they had managed to make one of their tutors disappear for several days, courtesy of Loki’s magic. He hadn’t  _meant_  to send him to a different plane, not really. Their mother hadn’t really cared much for the distinction.  

“I told Sif we would meet her outside the palace gates,” said Thor, finally tearing his eyes from the cabinet door. “We should leave before someone hears his racket.” 

Loki frowned at the mention of Sif. Things had grown somewhat complicated with her, though in a different way than with Sigyn. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Although he had never admitted it out loud, he liked Sif. He had tried to find out how she felt about him a hundred times but had so far been unsuccessful. They spent a lot of time together and they often flirted in jest, but her true feelings remained a puzzle to him. 

Sigyn did her best to encourage him but it never really helped. He didn’t like when she interfered in his private life anyway. She was a close friend and he liked her company, but he did his best to keep her away from his personal life. His time with Sif was for him alone and not even Sigyn could take that from him.    

Thor hinted that he knew but thankfully, he never explicitly mentioned it. Loki didn’t need interference from his brother either. He knew it would only end with embarrassment; subtlety had never been Thor’s specialty, after all. 

Still, he wished he had known that Thor had already planned an outing with Sif. He hadn’t seen her in days and sorely wished he could go with them. Unfortunately, he had other obligations. It had been a while since his last opportunity to visit the library alone and Sigyn was growing impatient with him. 

“Actually, I have something I need to do,” he said reluctantly. “Go on without me.” 

Thor gave him a questioning look. It wasn’t uncommon for Loki to run off by himself but he normally never turned down a chance to see Sif. “Where are you going?” 

“I have to look something up in the library,” replied Loki truthfully. There was little merit in lying about it. He knew Thor would not press him if it had anything to do with reading.  “It’s magic stuff. You wouldn’t be interested.” 

“We went to all this trouble and now you’re going to the library willingly?” said Thor incredulously. 

“Just tell Sif that I’ll see her tomorrow, assuming we’re still alive,” said Loki, grimacing at the end. It was entirely possible that they might never see her again, if their mother was in a particularly bad mood. 

Thor gave him a grim look. “Don’t remind me.” 

By the time he had gone, they had already wasted five precious minutes of their free time. There was only so much time before their tutor was discovered and their mother informed of their little scheme. Loki knew he needed to hurry. 

Careful not to be seen, Loki rushed to the library. There were a few close calls along the way. Once, he had turned the corner too quickly and had almost collided with one of his mother’s handmaidens. Another time, he narrowly avoided being seen by his father by ducking into a filthy broom cupboard. Not his proudest moment, to be sure. 

It was a relief when he finally came upon the library doors. Like most things in the palace, they were large and imposing, made of a rich dark wood and polished stone carved into complex lines. He took a moment to catch his breath before slipping through them. 

The library itself was one of the grandest rooms in the palace, second only to the throne room. It had several floors, each arranged in rings connected by staircases carved with stone, complete with gold-trimmed bannisters. The walls were otherwise covered with books, the shelves spanning from the ceiling to the floor. More shelves stood in the middle of the floor in several long rows, parted by the occasional table. 

Loki headed straight for the highest floor where they kept the books about rare magic. As he climbed the seemingly endless staircases, he stared up at the domed ceiling high above. It was covered in an enormous mural of Yggdrasil, the World Tree, and all the Nine Realms. He wondered where Folkvangr would be if it were ever added to the map. 

By the time he reached his destination, his legs were burning from the long climb. Whoever had decided to make that many floors must have enjoyed the suffering of others. He had no time to waste trying to breathe, however. Instead, he marched directly to the shelves he had last visited.  

The collection of texts held in the palace library was extensive, to say the least. Even if he spent his entire life there, Loki doubted he could ever read every single thing. He doubted anyone ever had, even the scholars that worked there. The books about magic were hardly ever moved at all except by Loki and a few of the more eager practitioners. Most of those texts had not seen the light of day in centuries, at least.  

 For someone with relatively little knowledge about magic, the books held there were exceptionally difficult to read. It took Loki ages to read a single volume and even longer to fully comprehend what it was he had read. It made his search far more time consuming than he would have liked.  

Still, he insisted on reading each one from cover to cover, if only for the sake of expanding his meager abilities. Even if he found nothing at all about dreamwalking, he could at least walk away with something useful. 

He plucked a thick tome from the shelf, one he had been working on for several days already, and headed to a small nook nestled between the shelves. In the middle was a large wooden table, heaped with books and dust. Opulent golden lanterns suffused the area in a soft glow, creating the perfect atmosphere for quiet contemplation and study. He sunk into one of the chairs and got to work.  

He was about halfway through the book when he heard a voice. “Still working on that?” said Sigyn, appearing suddenly in the chair next to him.  

Loki flinched. He had grown used to her appearances but the quiet of the library made any noise seem utterly deafening. “Obviously,” he growled, displeased by the barely concealed smirk on her face. She had always enjoyed undermining his composure and he hated how good she was at it. She had always been good at it. 

It seemed to him that Sigyn had not changed much at all since their first meeting.  She was taller now, her face a little less round, but she still seemed awkward and incomplete somehow. Despite her status as lady, she seemed perfectly content to run around like a wild child. Her wardrobe consisted of nothing more complicated than simple flowing gowns and her hair could have housed several birds.  

Were it not for that, she may have been pretty. That and her attitude, of course. That certainly had not improved. 

“It’s been ages already,” said Sigyn, rolling her eyes dramatically. “You can’t honestly be planning on reading every single page of every single book here.” 

“If that is what it takes,” he said, biting back a snide remark. Arguing with her would only make it everything worse and then he would never finish his book. It was difficult to continue reading while she stared at him so intently but he was determined to ignore her. He had grown quite proficient at it over the years. 

After a few moments, she seemed to give up trying to annoy him. She stretched out onto the table, resting her head on her arms. “Do you really want to be old and grey by the time we figure out what is happening?” 

“Don’t exaggerate,” said Loki mildly. “It won’t take that long.” 

Damn. He cursed himself for answering.   

“Assuming what we are looking for even exists,” she said, her eyes sweeping across the stacks of books piled onto the table, “which is beginning to seem unlikely.” 

“And assuming you shut up and let me read,” he said, throwing her a playful glare. 

Sigyn huffed with mock indignation but remained mercifully silent. Loki was actually surprised she had listened to him. He had expected her to snap at him, considering how much she seemed to enjoy that. He wondered if perhaps she were ill. 

Without another word, Sigyn left to wander the library. She leaned forward as she examined the books on the shelves along the far wall, her hands clasped neatly behind her back. Loki couldn’t help but glance at her once in a while, just to see what she was up to, even though he knew it would only slow him down.  

Loki had always appreciated her innocent curiosity, however irritating it could be. Watching her explore was rather like watching a kitten chasing twine. He could practically see her thoughts racing from one place to another, trying to decide where to go next. 

He was jolted from his thoughts when Sigyn caught his eye and smiled. She had a charming smile, though he would never admit that to anyone. He forced his attention back to the book, already having forgotten what he had just read.  

For a while, Loki did nothing but read while Sigyn strolled through the aisles. It was peaceful enough but reading was such an arduous task that he was glad when she returned. 

Bored of idling, she flopped back into the chair next to him with a deep sigh. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye when she leaned against him, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She peered at the open page, her green eyes lazily drifting over the runes.  

She had often hugged him or clung to his arm when they were children but had eventually learned how much he hated it. It had been years since she had last embraced him. Surprised by such a rare show of affection, he didn’t bother shrugging her off. Her warmth was comfortable. 

“Do you think this will last?” she murmured. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, keeping his voice low and soft. He didn’t understand why but something about her expression seemed pensive, and he felt the urge to comfort her. 

She hesitated. “Will we still see each other when we are old?” 

He pressed his lips together, unsure of how to answer. In truth, he had no idea how long they would remain connected. For all he knew, they would never see each other again after that day. “I don’t know,” he said after a few moments. “Do you?” 

She hummed gently, sounding far away. “I hope we will,” she said. “It would be awfully lonely without you around.” 

The sincerity of her words almost made him choke. She hardly ever allowed herself to seem so vulnerable. “There are other people in the universe,” he said, hoping it would be enough to assuage her anxiety.  

It was not.  

“I know,” she sighed, “but not here. No one ever comes to Folkvangr and I never leave it.”  

Each word that came out of her mouth increased his certainty that something was very wrong. It was not the first time he had seen her that way, but she had always done her utmost to hide it, and Loki had always had the tact not to ask. 

“You will not be alone forever,” he assured her. “Surely you will meet others sometime in your life. There are still thousands of years to go.” 

“Eventually perhaps,” she said emphatically. “I highly doubt there will be anyone like you though.” 

He tensed, unsure how to respond. For a moment, he considered that she might be flirting with him but he quickly dismissed it. He never flirted with Sigyn. 

She jumped backward in her seat, tearing herself from him as if she had been burned. Her cheeks were tinged with pink as she hurried to explain herself. “I meant someone with magic like me! Someone with our bond!” 

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” he said, somewhat relieved. He had been taken aback by her unusually sweet words. “Are you saying that you want this connection to linger?” 

“You do not?” she countered.  

Loki remained silent, trying to decide what to say. He wasn’t sure of the answer himself. Sigyn was his friend but he could hardly imagine spending the next five thousand years with her popping up at random. 

Her eyes widened when he didn’t respond. “Oh, you complete arse!” she said, her smile betraying her words. “You were seriously considering it!” 

Another rush of relief washed over him. She had only been joking, after all. 

“Can you blame me?” he said, returning her smile with his own. “Imagine if we really were tied together for the rest of our lives. It could get awkward.” 

“Loki, you poor fool,” she crooned, pinching his cheek. “When a woman asks you if you want to be with her forever, you must be delicate and compassionate.” 

“I see no woman around here,” he said, looking around the room dramatically. “I only see you.” 

“How clever of you,” she said flatly. 

“Not one of my better ones, I admit,” he said. “Don’t worry, next time I will say something truly offensive. You won’t be disappointed.” 

“You are so insensitive,” she scoffed. 

“It is more sensitive to lie then?” he said, raising his eyebrows with surprise. “What if I  _don’t_  want to be with someone forever?” 

“Of course you should lie,” said Sigyn, as if it were obvious. She smacked him on the shoulder. “Aren’t you the one who taught me that?” 

“And you are the one who spent an hour lecturing me about honesty and integrity immediately after,” he retorted. 

“That was different,” she said. She cleared her throat and adopted a serious expression. Her embarrassed blush somewhat diminished the effect. “Some lies are intended to protect people from greater hurts. Now, let me ask you again: do you want our connection broken?” 

“Oh, my dearest Sigyn, there would be nothing more painful than losing your constant companionship,” he said, adopting an affected voice. It was the slippery one he reserved for the noblemen and rich guests that came to the palace feasts. His hand clutched at his chest, over his heart. “Truly, I would be heartbroken, nothing more than a shell empty without your love. A tear comes to my eye just imagining it.” 

“That’s better,” she said, grinning with satisfaction. It was amusing how quickly her moods came and went, and how easy she was to please. “As reward for your good behaviour, I would tell you that your mother is working her way up the stairs and she looks extremely cross.” 

“What?!” 

In an instant, Loki was out of his seat and rushing for any kind of cover. He didn’t dare risk looking over the railing to see how much time he had, in case his mother happened to see him. He would be caught eventually but he still needed more time, just a little. Sigyn followed after him, her laughter echoing through the aisles. 

Together, they crouched behind one of the shelves. “You should have told me sooner,” he hissed. 

She smothered her giggles with her hand. “I’m sorry but your face when you found out—” 

He hushed her, trying to focus on evading his mother. Her shoes clacked against the stone floors as she searched for him. He should have expected her to know precisely where to find him. She had always been exceedingly good at discovering his secrets.  

“What did you do?” asked Sigyn, lowering her voice though there was no need. 

“Just a small trick,” he replied, peeking around the corner. Frigga stood by his now-empty chair, slowly flipping through his abandoned book. Using her distraction, he moved even further away from her. If he was stealthy enough, he could make it all the way to the other staircase without her spotting him. 

“On who?” 

“My tutor,” he whispered, creeping through the aisles. His mother had moved and he couldn’t see her any longer. Her sudden disappearance made him nervous. He had to keep moving.  

“Your tutor again?” said Sigyn incredulously. “You think you would have learned by now, after what happened last time.” 

“I told you, I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he growled, barely remembering to keep his voice down. “It was an honest mistake.” 

“Honest?” she snorted. 

“Oh shut up!” 

Loki decided to make a break for it, certain he could outrun Frigga even if she did happen to see him. It would have gone perfectly, had he not turned the corner and come face to face with her. She did not look pleased, to say the least. He smiled weakly. 

“Hello, mother.” 

 

— 

 

Frigga had been merciful with their sentence but it was still weeks before Loki and Thor were finally allowed time for themselves. Having been stuffed into a wardrobe for hours, the tutor had outright refused to teach them any longer and had fled the palace at the first chance. Their mother had been more than glad to take over.  

It was a most effective punishment, considering both he and Thor were too scared of her to rebel. Even if they had tried, Loki was certain their mother would have put a stop to it immediately. She was far cleverer than any tutor they had ever had. They would have had more luck trying to escape the dungeons. 

When they did manage to win back their freedom, Loki had absolutely no desire to return to the library. The long lectures and hours of study there had ruined his appetite for reading. He wanted nothing more than to be outside, to finally breathe fresh air again. 

On his first day out, Loki met with Sif at a quiet spot outside the palace by the shore of a small lake by the edge of a forest. It was a place where few ever travelled, save for their small group of friends. He and Thor had discovered it a few years back and had found themselves going back whenever they needed an escape from the palace. 

“Where is Thor?” asked Sif, settling onto the bank. Her fingers buried themselves into the lush grass as she leaned back on her hands. The tips of her long golden hair just barely brushed the ground. 

Loki could not help but watch her from the corner of his eyes as he seated himself. “Gone off with that blonde girl again,” he said when he finally remembered she had been speaking to him. “What was her name? Astrid? ” 

“Her name is Dagny,” she said, reluctantly amused. “Astrid had brown hair and she stopped speaking to him more than a month ago.” 

“Ah, that’s right,” he said, putting a finger on his chin. “It’s so easy to lose track these days. Those girls flock to him like starving dogs to a scrap of meat.” 

Nearly of age, Thor had grown into a remarkably handsome and capable young man. That meant he had also become insufferably popular. Pretty girls often batted their eyelashes at him and laughed at his jokes even if they weren’t at all funny. It seemed Thor spent half his days flirting with them, a fact he wouldn’t let anyone forget. 

“Don’t be cruel, Loki,” chided Sif. 

“It isn’t cruelty to forget the name of a girl I hardly know,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure she would not remember mine, as busy as she was simpering for my brother.” 

“Would not most boys remember the name of a pretty girl?” she said, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I only need to remember one pretty girl,” he said smoothly. He flashed her a charming smile for effect, knowing she would not take him seriously. 

She burst into laughter, a sound that made his heart soar. He loved hearing her laugh, especially when he was the cause. “With that silver tongue of yours, I would imagine you will have no difficulty enchanting a young maiden,” she said, nudging him with her elbow. 

“Perhaps, but it hardly matters to me,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “Thor can have all the women he likes and more. Like I said, I only need one.”  

In a moment of daring, he seized a lock of her hair and lifted it to his lips. He had always admired her hair. It was like sunlight turned to the finest silk, soft golden waves cascading down her back.  

“I am swooning,” said Sif, pleased by his adoration. She leaned toward him, her lips curled in a delicate smile. He couldn’t help but stare at her mouth. 

Loki knew it was all in jest but he wanted to imagine it was more. “That is the goal,” he managed to say, leaning forward himself. 

They were only inches apart, frozen in time. It would have been all too easy to close the gap between them, to capture her in a kiss. Loki longed for nothing more.  

The moment passed all too soon. Sif let out a breathy laugh as she moved away from him, her face slightly pinker than was usual. She fell onto her back, lacing her fingers together on her stomach. He was not surprised by her sudden distance but it was disappointing. 

With great effort, he pushed it from his mind. He didn’t want his time with her to be spoiled by regret. It was funny how quickly his mood rebounded whenever she was around. He only had to look at her. 

The afternoon sun streamed through the gaps in the trees, bathing her in its warm light. She looked like something out of a fairytale, otherworldly and serene. He liked that she felt so relaxed in his presence. He felt much the same. 

It was she who spoke first, breaking the long silence. “You know, I hardly ever see you with other girls.” 

“I told you I don’t need other girls,” he said, hoping the remark would seem casual. Still, it was as honest as he could get. He already had her and Sigyn, and there was no need for anyone else.  

“Well, other girls still ask after you whether you care or not,” she said in an offhanded tone. 

Loki blinked in surprise. It was the first he had ever heard of it. “They do?” 

She smirked at him, knowing she had caught him off guard. “They do,” she said. “Normally, they ask for advice on how to approach you, but sometimes one will be brave enough to ask me to arrange a meeting.” 

“This must be some trick,” he said, narrowing his eyes. Were he to be honest, Loki considered himself rather handsome, but he still could not believe there were girls who actually liked him. He was no Thor.  

“It is no trick, Loki,” said Sif, rolling her eyes. “You simply don’t pay enough attention to notice when you are being admired.” 

“Then why have I not heard of this until now?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Because I always tell them off,” she replied. 

“Oh?” 

Loki could feel the hope rising in his chest. Sif had just admitted that she deliberately prevented other girls from speaking to him. While he knew there must be a logical explanation, he could not help but hope it was jealousy. 

“If they can’t gather the courage to speak to you on their own, then they shouldn’t even bother,” she said simply. 

It may have been wishful thinking but Loki wasn’t entirely convinced by her answer. “And why would they even want to speak to me at all?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew the answer already but he wanted to hear her say it.   

“Perhaps it’s your dashing good looks,” she said.  

Loki could not help but grin, pleased by her words. “Not my winning personality then?” 

“Oh, if they knew about your wit and charm, you would never get rid of them,” she joked. “Or perhaps they would run the other way. You are a little dangerous.” 

“That seems far more likely,” he said. “Honestly, most people just can’t handle a little bit of fun.” 

“If that is what you call it,” she teased. 

“Come now, Sif, you know you love it,” he said. “You certainly haven’t run the other way.” 

“Perhaps I am too busy running away from the palace guards,” she replied, smothering her amusement. “Your pranks are only fun until the Allfather hears about them.”  

Loki hummed thoughtfully. “Then the obvious solution is to simply not get caught.” 

“No, I don’t know what it is you are planning but I refuse to be party to it,” she said, eyeing him suspiciously.  

“I haven’t said anything yet,” he protested.  

“Yes, but I know that look,” she retorted. “The last time you made that face, we thought we killed your tutor. I would rather not get arrested again.” 

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up?” he said, shaking his head with disbelief. “That was an unfortunate accident. I had something more innocent in mind.” 

Sif scoffed at that. “You cannot honestly expect me to believe that anything you are planning is innocent.” 

“You may be right,” he replied, taking advantage of her careless words. His voice dropped to a purr, his lips twisted into a wicked smirk. “My thoughts are decidedly less than innocent.” 

She was used to playful flirtations but her cheeks still flushed at his suggestive words. “You are horrible,” she muttered, turning her face to hide her embarrassment.  

“You wound me,” he said, his smirk turning into a smile. For all her bluster, Sif was still a girl and it was rather easy to get under her skin with dirty jokes.  

“Good, perhaps that will calm your desire for mischief, at least until I am a safe distance,” she huffed. 

Loki laughed again. “Good luck trying to get away from me, my dear.”  

Sif smiled, her blue eyes sparkling. “Oh, believe me, I’m trying.” 

Whatever she said, Sif certainly was not trying and they both knew it. It gave him hope, just a bit, that perhaps his feelings were not completely unrequited. With a contented sigh, he lay back on the ground next to her.  

Nothing would ever get better the feeling of her by his side, nothing at all. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter has some stuff going on with underage characters.   
> Also, it’s my first time writing anything remotely mature so forgive me if it’s a little unpolished!

The weather in Asgard was normally mild even in winter, but some days were so exceptionally perfect, it was hard to stay indoors. While some might have wasted their time strolling through the markets or lounging in the gardens, Loki and Thor always took advantage of the warmth in the training grounds. It had long since become their favourite place in the palace. 

While it was hardly the most beautiful place, something about the ring of steel and the shouting of the soldiers made Loki’s blood rush with excitement. It stoked his fantasies of battle, of all the things he was sure would be in his future. 

He loved it. 

He loved fighting with Thor. He loved the feel of the hard-packed dirt under his boots. He loved the ache of his muscles and the sweat that dripped down his face as he concentrated on landing that hit. It was exhilarating. 

The grounds were the only place where Loki didn’t mind being told what to do. The more experienced soldiers often helped them with their technique in anything from unarmed combat to archery. They were both eager to learn and pushed themselves to their limits, all under the watchful eye of their mentors. 

“Oh!” exclaimed a few soldiers, watching as Loki slipped past the guard of his opponent, a seasoned warrior. Loki was quick on his feet and the grin on his face always kept his adversaries guessing. They never knew where he would strike next. 

Still, the soldier refused to let him win without earning it. At the last moment, he moved his blade to meet Loki’s. The defence was weak, a hurried attempt to stop himself from being beaten by someone five hundred years his junior.

Loki pushed himself into his sword, challenging the strength of the his opponent. He knew the man was at a disadvantage in such an awkward position. His limbs shook with effort, a bead of sweat running down his nose.

Using his superior strength, the man shoved Loki backward and slashed at him without restraint. The strike was far too fast to dodge. Had it hit, it would have certainly broken bone.

But it didn’t. 

The sword passed harmlessly through him. Loki wanted to savour the moment the satisfied smirk fell from the soldier’s face but there was no time. As the illusion shimmered and dissolved, Loki aimed a hard kick at the back of the man’s knees.

It was likely the shock more than the blow that drove him to the ground. Loki held the dulled edge of his blade to the side of the man’s neck.

“Dead.”

For a moment, no one breathed. Then the onlookers erupted in laughter and cheers. “He got you good!” shouted one of them, slapping his knee. 

Thor might have been the loudest of all, running up to him and thumping him on the back. “Well done, brother!”

Loki didn’t bother to hide his smile. His defeated opponent didn’t seem to mind as they shook hands. “It seems I have underestimated you,” said the man. “I will not make that mistake again.”

“I did not know you could use your illusions for more than simple trickery,” said Thor, when the man left to join his laughing comrades.

“There is much you do not know,” replied Loki. He sat down on the stone steps that lined the grounds, still trying to catch his breath.

“That makes me nervous,” said Thor, his eyes narrowing.

“Perhaps you should be,” said Loki, letting his smile twist into a mischievous smirk.

Thor laughed, though not as confidently as he had probably intended. “I wonder if you could win a fight without those tricks of yours.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” said Loki, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Nothing, brother,” said Thor innocently.

Loki felt a stab of irritation. He knew perfectly well what Thor was insinuating.

Thor’s eyes drifted to the space above his shoulder, a smile growing on his face. Loki didn’t need to look to know there must have been a pretty girl somewhere behind him.

He recognized her round hazel eyes and her curly black hair but for the life of him, Loki could not remember her name. He supposed it didn’t matter; she would be gone in a few weeks, like all the others. What surprised him was the appearance of Sif. 

He rarely saw Sif with other girls, especially the kind of girls his brother normally dallied with. It was a rare treat. Next to another girl, she seemed more feminine somehow. It wasn’t any physical change — she wasn’t wearing a gown and her hair wasn’t styled— but something about her seemed gentler. 

She smiled at waved at them before whispering something to her companion that made her burst into giggles. Loki desperately wanted to know what she said, whether her and that girl had ever shared secrets about him. 

“It seems we have an audience,” said Thor, still eyeing the girl appreciatively.

“So it seems,” said Loki.

“Perhaps we should put on a show,” said Thor. 

Loki didn’t like the sound of that. He knew what it would mean for Thor to show off. It could only end badly for him. “I hardly think you need my help for that.”

“Scared, brother?”

“If you are trying to bait me into being your foil then you will find yourself disappointed,” said Loki flatly.

Thor grinned viciously. “You  _are_ scared!”

“And what exactly do I have to fear?” asked Loki, crossing his arms. His gaze flicked briefly to Sif once more. 

“Playing the fool in front of dear Sif,” replied Thor, lowering his voice so only Loki could hear. 

A ball of anxiety caught in his throat before he could speak. Thor had never mentioned his relationship to Sif before. It was jarring to hear it out loud. 

“If I am wrong then fight with me, brother,” said Thor, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Fine,” spat Loki, getting to his feet. 

“Unarmed,” said Thor, flexing his hands. 

Loki grunted in response. He would be hard-pressed to win without a weapon but he could hardly back down from the challenge. 

He wished he had. 

The fight was over in minutes. The first was spent waiting, each of them trying to anticipate the other’s moves. Loki knew how his brother liked to fight; quick, heavy strikes to pummel his opponent’s guard into oblivion. He could fend him off for a short time but it would hurt. He knew the best defence would be evasion. 

Unfortunately, Thor knew him just as well. He knew that Loki favoured speed and precision, that he would strike at his weakest places. And he knew about Loki’s magic.

In retrospect, it was rather clever of Thor to finish the fight before Loki could develop a clever strategy, though he suspected Thor had other motivations. He simply  _loved_  showing off and what better way than making a complete idiot out of his own brother? 

The first blow was swift and decisive. Loki stopped it with his forearms. He hissed with pain, certain it would leave a sizeable bruise. There was no time to nurse him arm.

The second minute of the fight was fast, a series of punches and kicks that seemed to go nowhere. For a while, it seemed as though they had come to a stalemate. 

It was over the moment Thor managed to grab hold of his shirt. Loki tried to wrench himself away but his brother was far too powerful. Stars burst into his eyes when Thor’s fist met his face but it wasn’t enough to keep him down. He lashed out blindly, to no avail. 

With a roar, Thor lifted Loki into the air and slammed him hard onto the ground. The force knocked all the breath out of him, leaving him stunned. 

It was over.

“Yield,” wheezed Loki. He could feel blood trickling from a cut on his inner cheek. He shut his eyes, listening to the congratulations pouring from the soldiers. 

“That must be a new record,” said a girl’s voice. Sif had come closer. 

Loki felt his cheeks burn with shame. He felt so pathetic, sprawling in the dirt. 

“I had no idea you were such a skilled warrior,” said another voice. Thor’s admirer. 

“Not at all, my lady,” replied Thor warmly. “I still have far to go before I am a warrior worthy of my father.”

 “Don’t make his head any bigger,” warned Sif. 

“Did you not watch what I did, Sif?” said the girl. “To defeat his opponent in mere moments!”

“I could have done that,” said Sif with a laugh.

Loki opened his eyes to see her crouched beside him, grinning at his pitiful state. “Very amusing,” he growled, reaching out to her. 

“I thought so,” she said. She gripped his forearm and hauled him to his feet. His entire body throbbed in protest. 

“Apologies, brother,” said Thor, smiling triumphantly. “I did not mean to be so rough.”

The girl let out a giggle, covering her mouth demurely. It was a cruel mocking sound. Loki narrowed his eyes at her. 

Sif smirked when she noticed his ire. “No need to take it out on an innocent girl, Loki.”

“Oh, I doubt there is anything innocent about her,” he grumbled, loud enough only for Sif to hear. The girl had gone back to fawning over Thor anyway. 

“Sore loser,” countered Sif.

“Why don’t  _you_  try to beat Thor with your bare hands?” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Bitter,” she teased.

“Oh shut up.”

 

\--

 

Loki hissed with pain when he flopped into bed, his body aching from his fight with Thor. The worst of it had already healed but he would no doubt feel the effects for days.  Worse than the bruises was the memory of Sif’s laughter ringing through the air as he lay flat on the ground. It was mortifying.

His heart heavy, he buried himself his blankets. Perhaps he would suffocate and never have to face her again. 

If only. 

When he awoke, Loki found himself in a room he had never seen. He knew from its white stone walls and large open windows that he was in Folkvangr, a place that ought not to exist. The room itself was obviously a bedchamber, probably belonging to Sigyn. He had never seen it before. They never lacked for privacy in Folkvangr’s forlorn halls and had little reason to hide away. 

Sigyn had seen his chambers before. She had marveled at his collection of books and had begged him to let her read them. Her chambers included her own collection, stacked on a bookshelf that spanned from the ceiling to the floor. He wondered what texts she had treasured enough to keep for herself. He idled by the shelf, fingers running over the leather-bound tomes. 

When a door across the room opened, Loki turned quickly to see who it was. Sigyn let out a small cry, retreating backward into the room she had just entered from. “Loki!” she shouted. 

Loki didn’t know how to react. She had obviously just bathed and hadn’t realized he was there. Should he pretend he hadn’t seen anything at all? 

He had definitely  _seen_  her, just for a brief moment. They had been around each other so often in the last several years that it never occurred to him how much she had changed from the scrawny little girl he had once known. She was becoming a woman.

“I’m sorry,” said Loki, deciding that it was best to just apologize even if he hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t as if he could control when he visited. He just did. “I didn’t know you were… indecent.”

Sigyn poked her head out of the other room, scowling at him. Her long red hair was weighed down with water, making it look almost neat. “You could have warned me,” she said accusingly. 

“I said I’m sorry,” he snapped, a little harsher than he had intended. He hadn’t really had a good day, after all.

Sigyn made a noise of indignation as she disappeared behind the wall again. When she emerged, she wore a thin, white robe that only barely hid her body. He didn’t mean to stare but he could still see her outline just underneath the fabric.

“Did you see anything?” she asked quietly. The way she avoided his eyes made him realize she was embarrassed.

“No,” said Loki, a little too quickly.

They both knew it was a lie. 

“Oh,” she said. Her voice oddly sounded constricted. He figured she wanted to scream at him or maybe even cry.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, meaning it more this time. He hadn’t meant to upset her. He hadn’t even wanted to come in the first place.

“No, it’s okay,” she mumbled. “I was only surprised.”

Loki forced himself to look away. It wouldn’t make her feel any better if she saw him gawking at her. “If I had known…”

He hesitated. He didn’t actually know what he would have done. The more devious part of him might have snuck a peak anyway. 

“You dog,” she muttered. It should have been an insult but her words held no real conviction. In fact, the way she fidgeted with the hem of her robe, he thought she might have been flattered.

He swallowed hard, trying to decide what to say. He couldn’t keep himself from looking at her fingers picking at the delicate fabric. He almost wished that she would move it, that she would show him what was beneath it again. 

It wasn’t as if he couldn’t guess at it. He could already see the gentle curve of her waist and the swell of her breasts, enough for his imagination to make up the rest. He tried to stop his thoughts from running wild but his brain refused to listen to reason.

Sigyn noticed him looking at her again. “You fiend,” she said, the smallest smile playing on her lips. She uncrossed her arms, putting her hands behind her back coyly. “Just what do you think you’re staring at?”

She took a single step forward. 

“I’m not staring,” replied Loki. It was the most pitiful lie. He was most definitely staring. 

“And here I thought I was a bad liar.”

Another step forward. She was almost within reach and Loki was starting to feel hot.

“I can hardly help it,” he said, deliberately looking at her face. Don’t look down, he chided himself. “You’re talking to me. What else am I supposed to look at?”

Another step forward.

“I can’t help but wonder what you’re thinking when you’re looking at me like that,” she said. The corner of her mouth twitched as she tried to hide her knowing smile. 

“Oh?” he said, rather stupidly.

One more step and she was right in front of him, close enough that he could smell the soap from her hair. His heart pounded in his chest. Since when had she been so bold?

“Well?” she whispered. Her eyes bored holes into him.

He swallowed hard, not knowing what to do or say. Flirting with Sif had always been lighthearted and fun, and had never turned him into an anxious mess. Then again, he had never seen Sif without clothes. 

“I’m not thinking anything,” he managed to spit out. It was true enough, considering how his mind had seemed to turn to mush from the moment she had gotten within reach. He felt like a complete imbecile. 

Sigyn laughed, as if she agreed. “Really?” she asked, tilting her head back to look up at him. She was only inches away. He was used to having her close but not like this, not when she was nearly naked and staring at him so intensely. “You aren’t at all curious?”

Loki was stunned into silence as she grabbed his hand, sliding it across the front of her robe to the loose knot that held it in place. It was by no means a subtle gesture and he could not mistake his meaning.

It was an invitation.

 He had never seen a woman before and was apprehensive at the prospect. He hadn’t expected to see one for a long time and he certainly hadn’t expected it to be Sigyn. Still, he  couldn’t deny that he wanted to. He  _really_ wanted to. 

His hand was almost shaking as his fingers grasped the silky fastening. He pulled on it, almost surprised at how easily it came undone. Sigyn let it fall apart with no more than a sharp breath. She did not shy away from his hungry eyes.

She really had grown.

Despite himself, Loki couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was.  He let a finger trail down her skin, tracing the gentle curve of her stomach. He stopped short of the small, fiery patch of hair between her legs. She shivered, her skin pebbling at his touch. 

Gaining confidence, Loki put both hands on her waist. One hand slid upward, moving slowly toward her breast. He let his thumb brush lightly over it. Her skin was warm and soft to the touch. 

Loki wanted more. He wanted to touch every part of her. 

Taking hold of her shoulders, he walked her backward toward her bed. She went willingly, her cheeks flushed with excitement or embarrassment. He couldn’t tell. 

She fell against the mattress when it bumped her legs. She scooted toward the headboard as he climbed on with her. Her hair fanned out on the bedsheets beneath her as she lay on her back. He had always found it pretty but at that moment, it was downright gorgeous. 

Within moments, his hands were on her again. His fingers raked down her sides to her hips, relishing the feel of her bare skin.  His hand slid down her thigh and back up, working its way between her legs.

He tried to take his time, careful not to overstep any boundaries. He could not guess her intentions and didn’t want to make a mistake. Everything seemed to be moving so fast. 

It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t even kissed her yet. He hesitated, uncertain if he should make the move. He had shared a few chaste kisses with girls before those hadn’t been proper kisses. He had only ever imagined kissing Sif that way. 

Sigyn must have seen his indecision. She grabbed onto the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, bringing his face less than an inch from her own.

He stared into her eyes. Another moment of hesitation.

Then he kissed her, nothing more than a brief peck. Her lips were full and soft and inviting. He kissed her again, lingering a few moments before pulling away. 

He should have known that would never satisfy her; Sigyn had always been so demanding. When he kissed her again, she refused to let him shy away. She surprised him by licking at his lips, directing him to open his mouth. 

As soon as he did, her tongue slipped into the gap. He moved hesitantly, unsure of what to do. She tasted like tea and honey, a pleasant sweetness. He briefly wondered whether he tasted just as good. 

All the while, he teased her with his hand, gently caressing her inner thigh. She bucked her hips whenever he got close to her center, eager for him to finally reach his destination. It was exciting to know how much she craved his touch.

Finally, he could hold himself back no more. He detached himself from her kisses and shuffled down the bed. His fingers quickly found themselves in the curls between her legs.

He had never touched a girl before and had no idea what to do. He knew only what he had read about in books. So he let his fingers explore, tentatively searching for her most sensitive parts. 

He knew immediately when he did the right thing. She let out a small groan, her eyes closing tightly.

With new confidence, he continued. He could feel her arousal wetting his fingers as he did. He wondered if she was wet enough to let him in. As carefully as he could, he slipped a finger inside her. It was hot and tight, and strangely satisfying. 

Not knowing what else to do, he began to move, rubbing against her inner walls. He tried a lot of things, her every reaction as his guide. Every movement, every sound, every breath told him what he needed to do. 

After a minute, she let out a loud moan. Just the sound was enough to make him hard as a rock. “Yes, just like that,” she whispered.

Loki didn’t hesitate to follow her commands. She seemed to grow slicker as he stroked her, her breathing growing deeper. He slipped in another finger, earning another throaty groan. 

There was very little more gratifying than making her moan.

Her cries grew more insistent the longer he stroked her. She was getting close. He moved his fingers faster, hitting that sweet spot inside her. She rolled her hips, pressing herself against the flat of his palm. 

“Don’t stop,” she mumbled, gripping the bedsheets tightly. Her thighs began to tremble, her breath coming faster.

It wasn’t long before she tensed around his fingers, a sigh of relief rushing past her lips. 

_Loki._

His name sounded so different then, whispered in the throes of her pleasure. It was quite possibly the best thing he had ever heard.

He let out a sigh of his own. He wasn’t certain how he should feel. He had never imagined that he would go to bed upset about Sif and wake up touching Sigyn in the most intimate of ways. Part of him felt accomplished. Although it hadn’t been easy, he had managed to bring her to her release. 

Sigyn stared at the canopy above, her breasts rising and falling with each breath. Her cheeks were pleasantly flushed and her lips were darker than usual. When she noticed him watching her, she smiled shyly. 

“What?” she asked, pushing herself to sit up. She pulled her robe closed but didn’t fasten it again. 

 “Nothing at all,” he replied, suppressing a smile. “I was simply wondering if you enjoyed yourself.”

“Oh hush,” she said, wrinkling her nose. 

He wondered how she could feel embarrassed after all they had done. It was endearing. Without thinking, he gave her a peck on her lips.

She giggled, an almost musical sound he had never heard from her before. It made him want to kiss her again. 

So he did. He kissed her fervently, his anxieties about his skill completely forgotten. It didn’t matter anymore.  

Honestly, he hadn’t expected her to touch him but he didn’t protest when she did. Her hand slid over the bulge in his pants. She seemed unsure of herself, like she wasn’t entirely certain what to do. It made him feel better to know she was just as lost as he was. 

“Let me touch you,” she murmured, her voice low and breathy. 

Loki hurried to remove his pants, his excitement building. His fumbling made it difficult. When they were finally off, Sigyn stared at him shamelessly. There wasn’t anyone his age around her, so it must have been her first time ever seeing a man. 

Cautiously, she reached out. Her tentative fingers curled around him, running up and down his length. Her touch was languid, almost curious. It was just like her. 

Part of him wanted to grab her hand, to make her go faster and grip tighter, but he didn’t want to rush her. In a way, he liked the wait.

Instead, he shut his eyes, focusing on the feeling of her fingers on his skin. He kept quiet but could not keep his breath from quickening as she suddenly gripped him more firmly. Her strokes became a little faster, a little more confident. He never thought it would feel so different than his own hand. 

He was disappointed when she pulled away after a minute. He had expected her to continue, to bring him to completion. 

She had other plans.

“Come sit on the edge,” she said, sliding off the bed. Her robe fell open, revealing her body once more.

Loki followed, seating himself in front of her. He wondered what she might be planning. It took him less than a second to understand. 

He could have died when she went to her knees, settling in between his legs. The sight of her kneeling in front of him, her green eyes blazing with lust, aroused him more than anything he could have ever imagined.

When she pressed her perfect lips against him, he knew that no one would ever beat her, that nothing would ever possibly compare. She left a trail of soft kisses down his length. He hadn’t even realized he had been holding his breath until it all rushed out at once. 

The way she licked him, took him into her mouth, nothing would ever be so deeply burned into his memory. Whatever they were and whatever they felt for each other, she loved him like no other at that moment. 

It was the best feeling in the world.

He desperately wanted to draw it out, to savour the feeling of her wicked tongue, but his body refused to listen. It rushed toward release. His heart began to pound, his ears ringing so loudly. 

He let out a groan, his muscles tightening as a wave of pleasure rolled through him. Sigyn didn’t even balk as his seed spilled into her mouth. Loki was surprised to see her grin as she swallowed it, all that would be left of their little secret. 

“Sigyn.”

He woke with her name on his lips and a smile he just could not contain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one ended up being late too because I changed so much of it from my original piece. Hopefully the next chapter will be a much simpler edit and it will come out on time.
> 
> Enjoy!

Whatever had happened with Sigyn had not happened. Whatever Loki thought had happened had  _definitely not_  happened. He was certain of it. 

Even when his memory insisted it had, he squashed it down without mercy. There was simply no way he had ever done something like that with Sigyn, of all people. 

“Concentrate, Loki,” warned Frigga.

Loki cursed, remembering what he was supposed to be doing. He was in the middle of a lesson with his mother, trying to properly disappear a goblet. Needless to say, it wasn’t working. 

He glared at the goblet, redoubling his efforts. He had managed to disappear an entire person once; a cup should have been easy.

Still, his mind was elsewhere. 

For a couple days, his  extremely realistic delusion had been all he had thought about. The touch of her hand, the taste of her tongue, the sound of her sighing his name. It had invaded his mind, smothering all else. In a moment of temporary madness, he had even considered telling Thor about it. 

Then he had seen Sif and it felt like he had been doused with cold water. Reality had come crashing down upon him.  

He had suddenly remembered it was not Sigyn that he wanted. It was not her, the girl who didn’t exist, that he longed for.

Sigyn was a friend, at most. A friend who just so happened to be somewhat pretty, but nothing more than that. Loki refused to believe she could ever be more than that. He refused to believe he wanted her to be more than that.

The goblet sat unmoving, its dull bronzed surface mocking his feeble attempts to make it do anything. He had to stop himself from hurling it across the room. 

Looks aside, there was little about Sigyn he thought desirable. Sure, she was clever and adventurous, and she no doubt had a certain charm, but those very traits were just as likely to irk than entice. 

In comparison, Sif was everything he could want in a woman. For one, she was enchantingly beautiful in a classical sense, elegant and fair. Her wit was as sharp as her sword, wielded with an easy grace. Her strength and skill in combat was equal to his own, and her ambition to improve was even greater.

She was practically perfect. No sane man would choose Sigyn over her. And he was very sane. 

With a golden shimmer, the goblet vanished into thin air. Loki sighed with relief. 

Frigga hummed with approval. “A good effort,” she said, “but it should be almost instantaneous, as easy as slipping it into your pocket. You are distracted.”

“I am not,” argued Loki. 

She raised an eyebrow, a sly smirk growing on her lips. “No?”

“I’m fine,” he asserted. He didn’t like that look, the one that told him she knew exactly what was going on in his head.

“Then why don’t you try and bring the goblet back?”

Loki reached for the magic, determined to prove his competence. All he had to do was grasp it, pull it back into their space like pulling it out of his pocket. 

It wasn’t easy. Try as he might, his concentration would not hold.  

Thankfully, Sigyn had not acknowledged what had  _not_  happened between them. Perhaps she too was confused by it. He didn’t fool himself into thinking that she held any special feelings for him either. It was laughable to even consider it. 

Unfortunately, as much as they ignored their shared delusion, things had become awkward. A strange tension hung between them whenever they met. It was difficult to talk when they could hardly look each other in the eye. Their last few visits had been spent with their noses in books. 

“What troubles you, my dear?” said Frigga when he failed to make the goblet reappear for an entire minute.

“Nothing troubles me, mother,” he grumbled. 

“Then it is safe to assume it has something to do with the Lady Sif?” she said, her eyes twinkling. 

Loki stiffened. “You should assume nothing of the sort.”

He didn’t know how she had found out about his feelings for Sif. He had never mentioned it, not even vaguely. 

She smiled knowingly. She always smiled like that, always the master of everyone else’s secrets. “Do you honestly believe I cannot see how much you admire her?”

“I don’t admire her,” he said automatically. 

His stark denial served only to amuse her. “There is no shame in falling in love. It is perfectly natural.”

It felt like all the blood in his body rushed to his head at the mention of ‘love’. It was a strong word. “You seem to be mistaken,” he said through clenched teeth. “Sif is a friend.”

“And a beautiful girl,” added Frigga.

Loki pursed his lips. “I suppose.”

“I hope you are not so cold when poor Sif is around,” she scolded. “Warrior or no, kind words are always flattering.”

“Of course I wouldn’t—“ 

He silenced himself before he said anything embarrassing. She trying to trick him into admitting exactly what he thought and he would not allow it.

“Has something happened between you?” she asked, mercifully ignoring his almost-slip. 

“Nothing has happened, mother,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You are overthinking things again.”

“But something  _has_  happened,” she said, raising her eyebrows. 

Loki was silent for a moment. He considered denying it again but he knew she would never believe him. 

“Let us pretend you are right and Sif is more than a friend,” he began, choosing his words carefully.

Frigga’s smile widened. “Alright, let us pretend.”

“How would I tell if she feels the same?” 

It was a ridiculous cover, he knew, but he was in desperate need of advice. The whole matter with Sigyn was driving him to the edge of madness. If only he could finally make a move with Sif, perhaps he could properly forget about the whole thing. 

“I am afraid there is no simple answer,” said Frigga, leaning back into her chair. “People express love in many ways, and sometimes it can be hard to tell.”

Loki leaned on the table, resting his chin on his hand. “What do you mean?”

“Well, some are open and direct about their feelings,” she replied. “Others are more subtle in their affections. Some even try to hide themselves for fear of being hurt.”

“That is vague,” he said, his mouth a straight line. Her words were not as helpful as he had hoped.

Ignoring his disappointment, she pressed on. “Some express themselves with words, sweet nothings or declarations of love. Some show their feeling through touch, through an embrace or even a kiss.”

Neither of those sounded quite like Sif. She was guarded, even more so than he was. 

“The only way to know for certain is to ask,” said Frigga. “Only she can tell you what is in her heart.”

“I see,” said Loki flatly. He had been afraid of that. “What if it goes badly?”

She gave him a delicate smile, almost like she was trying to comfort him. “That is also a possibility,” she said. “Were she to reject your advances, you would be faced with a difficult decision. Would it be too painful to continue your friendship? Would you commit to pursuing her? Would you attempt to move on?”

Loki wasn’t sure how to answer. His friendship with Sif was important to him but he didn’t know how he would feel knowing for certain there was nothing more for them. He didn’t want to lose her.

Frigga seemed to sense his troubled thoughts. “I know every moment must feel pressing when you feel so strongly about someone,” she said, “but you are still young. There will be plenty of time to find love.”

“Then you are telling me not to do anything at all?” he said, frowning.

“Oh, I would never presume to tell you how to manage your relationships,” she said with a laugh. “I am simply advising you to exercise caution in affairs of love. Feelings are complicated things and being hasty can sour them quickly.”

It was too late for caution, after everything with Sigyn.

“I thank you for your counsel, mother,” he said. “Of course, this is all hypothetical.”

“Naturally,” she said, giving him that clever smile again. 

Loki averted his eyes out of embarrassment.

“Now, if we are finished speaking about your private matters, let us continue with your lesson,” said Frigga, the goblet appearing in her hand. “You still have much to do before I let you out.”

He let out a long sigh. “Yes, mother.”

 

—

 

The conversation with his mother had given Loki much to think about. For an entire week, he agonized over what to do about Sif. He weighed the pros and cons of confessing his feelings to her a hundred times over and each time was left without a clear answer.

Every time he thought of telling her, his imagination ran wild with all of the horrible things she might say. He knew she would never be so cruel in reality but logic did nothing to stifle his fears. He could already hear her laughing at him. He would probably never recover if she did. 

But if he didn’t try then he knew nothing would ever change between them. Sif would never see him as anything more than a friend. What would happen if someone else confessed to her first? What if she accepted?

Suddenly, it felt like he was running out of time. He  _had to_  tell her. 

It took him several more days before he could finally build up enough courage to act. 

His entire morning had been spent trying to stomach his breakfast as he went over his lines. He had carefully planned the entire conversation as well as an exit strategy should things go badly or should he lose his nerve. 

The afternoon had been spent training together with Thor and Sif. It felt good to release his stress by wailing away at a practice dummy with his sword. By the time they finished, he had beaten it into a pulp. 

When Thor left to meet another girl whose name Loki just could not remember, Loki asked Sif to stay behind with him. They headed to the corridors on the second floor where they could speak in private. It was lined with huge windows that overlooked the grounds, hardly a romantic venue but one that he found reassuring. The soldiers battering away at each other with swords and spears was familiar, at least. 

Sif leaned against one of the stone columns, her arms crossed over her chest. She tilted her chin up as she watched him with narrowed eyes. 

"You fought well earlier,"  she said. "Even Thor could not best you today."

“I admit I might have overdone it,” he said, looking down at the abused dummy. Its stuffing littered the floor around it.

“That seems an understatement,” she said with a snort of laughter. She sobered quickly after. “You are not well?”

Loki felt his throat constrict, catching his words before he could get them out. It could have been his chance to say something, to direct the conversation to a confession. 

“Just having trouble sleeping again,” he said instead. He cursed his cowardice.

“Again? Have you not been to see Eir yet?” said Sif, her brows furrowed with concern.

Loki shrugged his shoulders. “Not yet. It is nothing to worry about,” he said. “It will pass like it always does.”

“What is it that disturbs your dreams?” she asked. She looked down at the soldiers, probably to make him feel less anxious. It was difficult to speak when she stared at him like that. 

His first thought was of Sigyn but he could hardly tell Sif another girl was keeping him up at night. “I don’t dream,” he lied. “I simply can’t fall asleep at all. Perhaps I think too much.”

“I can’t disagree with that,” she chuckled. “You have always been that way. I can’t imagine what the inside of your head must be like.”

Loki let out a laugh. He could hardly keep his head straight most days. He wondered if everyone was as completely disorganized as he was or if he was the only one whose thoughts seemed to move a thousand miles a minute. 

Silence fell between them. Normally, it would have been comfortable but he was still too nervous to relax. After a minute of agonizing over what to say, Sif spoke first. 

“There is something you wanted to speak to me about, is there not?” 

She knew. Loki didn’t know how but something in him told him she already knew everything. It made him quake with fear. 

"Yes, I have something important to discuss with you," said Loki, trying to reign in his thoughts. 

He could wait no longer. He had to tell Sif the truth, to tell her how he felt about her. If only she could like him back, then perhaps Loki could forget about the Sigyn situation and everything could return to normal.

Sif stared at him with piercing blue eyes, twisting a lock of golden hair around her finger. "It sounds serious.”

Loki averted his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact. He searched for words, anything that might explain himself. “It is a delicate subject,” he said cautiously. “I did not know how to bring it up naturally.”

“Is it my imagination or are you attempting to talk about love?” she asked, an amused smirk twisting her lips. “Could it be that you have met someone?”

Loki pressed his lips together, more out of frustration than fear this time. She had only been half correct. She hadn’t considered he might like her or perhaps she was simply trying to avoid the subject altogether. Either way did not bode well for him. 

“No, I haven’t met anyone,” he said. “I would, however, like to talk about…”

Her eyes widened. “So you  _are_  in love!”

“Let’s not go that far,” he said quickly. He didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. He certainly  _liked_  her but he didn’t know if he  _loved_  her. He wasn’t sure what that even meant. 

“Who is the lucky lady?” asked Sif, grinning at him.

"A good friend of mine," he said, playing along. Perhaps if he said enough about this mystery girl, she would eventually understand. 

“And here I thought I was your only female friend,” she said. “What is she like?”

Loki paused, considering his answer carefully. “She is clever and strong, not at all like a lady though she is of noble birth,” he began. “I don’t believe I have ever met anyone like her.”

“Is she pretty?” she asked. 

“The prettiest," he replied with a smile. “There are few in Asgard who could ever hope to match her and never in my eyes.”

“You are a charmer, aren’t you?” she said, raising her eyebrows at his brazen remarks. “Have I met her?"

“You know her,” he said simply. 

Sif narrowed her eyes, probably thinking about all the girls they knew. “Do you know if she likes you back?”

Loki took a deep breath to steady himself. “I haven’t asked yet but I plan to.”

That seemed to surprise her. “Really? When?”

“Now.”

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the atmosphere. Loki remained frozen to the spot, just waiting for time to start moving again.

For a few moments, her mouth hung open with shock. Then understanding bloomed in her eyes. “Wait—“

Loki cut her off. 

"I've been meaning to tell you for some time now,” he said, speaking much faster than usual. His face was burning with embarrassment and he was sure he was beginning to sweat. “I don't really know how else to say it so please forgive my candor.”

Sif  chewed her bottom lip the way she did whenever she was nervous. “Go on,” she said, her voice shaking slightly.

“I like you, Sif,” he blurted out. It sounded unnaturally loud. “For a long time now, I’ve felt there was something between us, something more than just friendship." 

Loki couldn’t believe he had managed to say it at last. For a brief second, he felt relieved but then it passed and all he could feel was crushing anxiety. 

Sif looked flustered by his confession, her cheeks flushed pink. Her eyes were trained to the floor. "I had no idea that you— I mean, I suppose I should have realized it but—“

Loki fiddled with his fingers, unsure of what else to say. At least she hadn’t laughed. 

“I am flattered,” she said, looking back up at his face. “I hadn’t realized you thought so highly of me.”

He swallowed hard, his mouth feeling like it had been filled with sand. 

She clenched her jaw, her hands closing into fists. “I truly appreciate your kind words,” she said, somewhat stiffly. “They have made me very happy.”

Oh no. 

Loki realized immediately what was happening. His heart suddenly felt heavy, painfully heavy. He had made a terrible mistake. 

Sif gave him a look that might have been pity. "I am sorry, but I cannot return your affections,” she said slowly. “I will not deny that there might have been something between us once but… my heart belongs to another."

The world seemed to spin around him, making him nauseatingly dizzy.  He didn’t really want to know but he just had to ask. "Who is it?”

Sif hesitated for a moment before answering. "It doesn’t matter,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously. “It won’t do any good to—“

“Who?” he repeated. 

Their eyes met and Loki saw the answer before she even opened her mouth. He should have known. 

Thor. 

Of course. Who else could it possibly be? Who else could have captured the heart of an extraordinary girl like Sif?

The pain was far worse than he had ever imagined. All of his worrying could have never prepared him for this. He had to stop himself from clutching at his chest, at his breaking heart. 

 Sif, the girl who had held his heart for years, was in love with his brother. 

He should have known, should have guessed that no girl would ever choose him over Thor. He had always thought Sif was different from all those girls Thor dallied with, that she cared for more than brute strength and a handsome face. 

He had been wrong. 

Loki forced all the emotion away his face, hiding his agony behind a hardened mask. The last thing he wanted was for her to see how badly he was hurting. It would only make everything more humiliating. 

"Have you told him?” he asked, trying to sound casual. It was extremely difficult to speak, to force the words past the terrible lump in his throat. 

“No, I haven’t,” she said, frowning uncertainly at his lack of emption. “I do not plan to either. I am not foolish enough to believe he likes me simply because we are close, and I value his friendship.”

Something about her words drilled into him, making his ears ring. Was it so foolish to think that way? “Are you insinuating something?”

Her eyes widened as she realized her mistake. “No, I’m not—”

“Forget I said anything at all,” he snapped, not wanting to hear any more explanations. “I am sorry for this… inconvenience."

He spun on his heel and stalked away before she could say any more. 

“Loki, wait!” called Sif. “Please!”

Loki didn’t stop. He walked with strong, even strides, refusing to show how much he was falling apart. He wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him so weak. He continued his charade all the way to his chambers. 

As soon as the door slammed shut, Loki threw his back against it. He slid down to the floor, putting his forehead on his knees. Tears slipped out before he could stop them. 

It hurt so much.

He wondered if there was anything he could have done differently, to make her like him the way she liked Thor. Perhaps if he had told her earlier or perhaps if he had waited until after Thor broke her heart. 

There was no way Thor liked Sif, was there?

Thor was the type to go for the sweet girls, the ones with doe eyes and gentle hands. Girls like Sigyn. Panic began to rise inside him. 

What if he was wrong? What if Thor  _did_ like Sif and they became lovers? 

He couldn’t handle that. He just couldn’t. 

“Loki?”

His head snapped up to look at Sigyn. She stood in front of him, staring down at him with concern. That uncharacteristically gentle look only served to irritate him. 

“Not now,” he growled, wiping away his tears. No one was supposed to see him like this, especially not her. 

She ignored him and came closer. She knelt in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Loki, what happened?”

His first instinct was to push her away, to yell at her to get out and leave him alone, but he needed to tell someone what had happened. “Sif is in love with Thor,” he croaked. New tears threatened to fall but he held them back. 

She furrowed her brows. “You told her how you feel?”

Loki only nodded in response. He still felt like he was choking. He worried he might start sobbing if he spoke and he didn’t want to look any weaker than he already did.

“I am so sorry,” she whispered, her face reflecting his own sorrow. Her hand rubbed his arm comfortingly. “I… I understand how much it must hurt.”

Loki felt a hot flare of anger run through him. “You can’t possibly understand!” he spat, ripping his arm away and giving her the dirtiest glare he could muster. “You know nothing about what I feel! You can’t possibly understand what it’s like!”

Sigyn recoiled. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, looking at the floor. She pulled her hands into her lap, lacing her fingers together. Her hair obscured her face but he thought she might have been crying. 

He didn’t really care if she was. Not when he was already suffering so much. It angered him that she dared to pretend that she understood him, that she understood what it was like to feel your heart get torn out and ripped to shreds. 

For a long time, they sat together without speaking. 

Loki would calm down for a few moments before the memory of Sif's utter rejection would come storming back into his mind, hurting him all over again. It just wouldn't stop. He wondered if it would ever stop. 

How was he supposed to face her ever again? How was he supposed to face his brother?

His hands curled into fists, pressed so tightly his nails broke the skin on his palms. 

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair. Sif had been leading him on, flirting with him without any intention of returning his feelings. She must have known that he liked her beyond the bounds of friendship. He hadn't exactly hidden it from her. 

So why had she continued to tease him like that? Had she simply enjoyed the attention?

Sigyn touched his shoulder again but this time, he didn't react to her. He didn't even know why she was still there. She crooned his name as she draped herself over him in a gentle embrace. 

“Loki.”

Yet another new way to hear her say it.  

He didn't want to push her away. Unfurling his legs, he pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Normally, he would have been embarrassed to have her so close but the feel of her warmth against him was soothing. 

"Thank you," he muttered, his head buried in her shoulder. He was glad that she hadn't left him alone.

"Don’t thank me,” she whispered, her lips against his ear. “I will always be here for you.”

Loki tightened his grip on her. Whatever happened, the knowledge that he wouldn’t be alone was his only consolation. It was all he had to cling to. 

“Thank you.”


End file.
